The “Whether” Report

Bundle up! It’s stupid out there! The Borowitz Report provides the weather report for today. Whether you like it or not!

Inauguration Forecast Shows Temperature and IQ in the Twenties

WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—Monday’s Inauguration will see the temperature and IQ dive into the twenties, according to official forecasts.

That figure will not be a historically low temperature but will be a record low IQ, experts say.

According to record-keepers, the IQ will plummet to a level seen only during the Inauguration of 2017, which notched the modern low for that metric.

To stay safe amid the plunging IQ, Americans are urged to remain indoors and use caution for the next 4 years.